she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
