I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
