did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
