so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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