Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
