so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
