I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
