You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She told me I should be a condom model.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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