well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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