My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
These tits shall not be calmed
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
