I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
