o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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