Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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