the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
