You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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