you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
