I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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