ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
