i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
