I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
