I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
