I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
