Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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