ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
