where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
