Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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