You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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