Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
is that a dick in a sweater?
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