I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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