Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
