So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
accomplished twins. life is a go
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
