new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You need a sexual gate keeper
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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