my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I need mimosas to revive my soul
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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