went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
