Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
