my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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