is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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