I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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