I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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