just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
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I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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