a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
