do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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