sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Shame - the story of my life.
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