it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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