I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
