I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
