I just made out with a guy for $7.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
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I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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