): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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