This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You can't special order awesome
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
