had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
