I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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