her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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