I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
