im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
