Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
