it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
