My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
