my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
