This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
