wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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