dude i'm inner monologue high
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
