how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
