I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
