So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
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Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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