Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we're making bets on your personal life
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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