Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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