she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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