I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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