i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
