What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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