My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
