ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
