if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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