I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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