The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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