you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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