here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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