3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
