Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
